Action...

At the beginning of every summer, for as far back as I can remember (4th grade?), I promised myself that next year would be different. I would lose a bunch of weight over the summer and go back to school a brand new person. Everyone would see me differently. I would see myself differently. I would have more friends, boys would like me, life would be perfect. I thought I could wish upon a star and the weight would melt away. 

Well, life isn't perfect and this wasn't a Disney fairy tale. As the story went, every year, Summer would go by, and I would start a brand new school year the same weight (or more) as the previous. I always felt like a failure, especially when it came to my weight. I never seemed to get it right. 

I started college and gained the freshman 15… plus some. It was hard to focus on weight in college. Between classes and parties and sorority and friends and boys, It wasn't a priority for me. At 21 I moved to New York. I started a job that made me miserable, didn't know anyone, sat at home by myself (A LOT) and gained 40 more pounds. The battle of the bulge seemed harder than ever. I was so disgusted with myself. How I looked, how I felt, how I felt other people saw me. I thought I would blink my eyes and I would be one of those TLC specials on the "Half-Ton Woman". That scared the shit out of me, I new it had to change. 

The summer of 2010 I worked my butt of and lost the 40 pounds I had gained since I'd moved to New York. Then once again, life got in the way. Really, I just got scared. Never before had I been so successful with weight loss. I had always set myself up that I couldn't succeed at losing weight, and when I was it scared me. I buried my head in the sand, hid and gave up on taking care of my body. For the past 2 years I have gone down and up 10 pounds, never exceeding that 40 pound loss, but never really getting away from it either. 

I'm done. I'm sick of being that lazy girl that waits for it to feel like the right time. For it to feel easy. It's not going to be easy, it's never going to be the "right" time. it's going to be a lot of work, that I know. I know I have to believe I can do this to be succeed and conquer this journey, but I don't believe in myself yet. I'm starting Weight Watchers tomorrow with two friends. Maybe their belief in me will help me gain a belief in myself. All I know is I don't want to be the person standing on the sidelines anymore. I want to be in the game, in the action. I don't want to let my weight and my disbelief in my qualities hold me back. So here we go, day one. Ready, set… ACTION.