And So It Begins...

It has been three days since I started the WW program. While the meeting leader did nothing to inspire, or really explain the program to me, I've been learning as I go through reading the website. Everything is pretty user friendly and I'm having fun keeping track of points (type-A). My difficulties come when I try to calculate meals for pre-prepared dishes. I have an amazing grocery store by my apartment (think Whole Foods) that has a great Salad Bar and Hot Bar. The Hot Bar is the most difficult as there are never any ingredients listed (sometimes the what the dish is isn't listed). The Salad Bar at least has a label with ingredients. I can plug them in for the delicious Curried Chicken Salad and somewhat figure out how many points I'm eating. I believe I've been successful so far, I guess we will see how weigh in number one goes next week.

In just three days I'm starting to notice my tendencies to turn to food creep up. I am an emotional eater, I'll admit it. Whenever I'm upset about something or stressed, my mind, unconsciously, turns to food. It's been interesting realizing this but so frustrating. I need to find a new method of coping with my emotions. I started to look at what was making me want food. Usually it was one or two issues that I was stressed about. I asked myself if there was anything I could do in that moment to help or fix that problem. The answer was always no. I had to be okay with that. It's hard. I like to fix things. When I couldn't in the past I would turn straight to food and that was that. Now what? For this moment it's making my mind think about something else. I'll get to the point where there is a different approach. Maybe it will be a more helpful approach. But for now, I have to be strong, stay strong, and believe that I can do this. 

Three days down (a lifetime to go)

Goals for the week: 

- Lose at least 2 pounds

- Go to Yoga/Pilates at least three times (I've been once already)

- Go to the Gym at least once

- Avoid temptation successful - not give into emotional eating

Picture Update

I'm going to upload photos from the past 8 years to get an idea of the "trip" I've been on. I decided to start with a picture from a time where weight wasn't on my mind. I have very few memories from before weight became a focus, but this is one. A fun Halloween night, I think I was 7, I loved everything about the way I looked. Sparkles were a big part of my life when I was a kid (they might still be)!

Action...

At the beginning of every summer, for as far back as I can remember (4th grade?), I promised myself that next year would be different. I would lose a bunch of weight over the summer and go back to school a brand new person. Everyone would see me differently. I would see myself differently. I would have more friends, boys would like me, life would be perfect. I thought I could wish upon a star and the weight would melt away. 

Well, life isn't perfect and this wasn't a Disney fairy tale. As the story went, every year, Summer would go by, and I would start a brand new school year the same weight (or more) as the previous. I always felt like a failure, especially when it came to my weight. I never seemed to get it right. 

I started college and gained the freshman 15… plus some. It was hard to focus on weight in college. Between classes and parties and sorority and friends and boys, It wasn't a priority for me. At 21 I moved to New York. I started a job that made me miserable, didn't know anyone, sat at home by myself (A LOT) and gained 40 more pounds. The battle of the bulge seemed harder than ever. I was so disgusted with myself. How I looked, how I felt, how I felt other people saw me. I thought I would blink my eyes and I would be one of those TLC specials on the "Half-Ton Woman". That scared the shit out of me, I new it had to change. 

The summer of 2010 I worked my butt of and lost the 40 pounds I had gained since I'd moved to New York. Then once again, life got in the way. Really, I just got scared. Never before had I been so successful with weight loss. I had always set myself up that I couldn't succeed at losing weight, and when I was it scared me. I buried my head in the sand, hid and gave up on taking care of my body. For the past 2 years I have gone down and up 10 pounds, never exceeding that 40 pound loss, but never really getting away from it either. 

I'm done. I'm sick of being that lazy girl that waits for it to feel like the right time. For it to feel easy. It's not going to be easy, it's never going to be the "right" time. it's going to be a lot of work, that I know. I know I have to believe I can do this to be succeed and conquer this journey, but I don't believe in myself yet. I'm starting Weight Watchers tomorrow with two friends. Maybe their belief in me will help me gain a belief in myself. All I know is I don't want to be the person standing on the sidelines anymore. I want to be in the game, in the action. I don't want to let my weight and my disbelief in my qualities hold me back. So here we go, day one. Ready, set… ACTION.